The Other Danish

As an American, the only Danish I am fluent in is the delicious, frosting-covered breakfast pastry. But there is another kind of Danish with which I need to familiarise myself.

Much like the pastry, the Danish language is crucial to helping one contribute to society – breakfast is, after all, the most important meal of the day. But unlike the delicious breakfast treat, in Denmark Danish language lessons are completely free for foreigners. Although you’d be forgiven for thinking the reason I moved to Denmark in the first place was that I confused which Danish was free – I do love me a good breakfast pastry.

The idea behind the free Danish lessons is that the more of the language we immigrants can speak, the more we can integrate and contribute to society.

Other countries, take note!

Once I got my CPR number I was given a brochure of all the Danish schools I could choose from - there were literally dozens. I settled on the one who could take me the next day.

So I signed up - for free.

Got all the learning materials - for free.

I was even given a binder, notepad and pens – for free.

Once I make it from level 1 to level 3, I get a tablet to help my learning – for free.

I was given all of this just days after arriving in the country – an immigrant who has no job and does not speak the language.

With all of this generosity, it’s hard not to want to do really well in class and give something back to the Danish society once I’m able.

After my first few Danish lessons, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Greetings:

“Hej” (pronounced “hi”) means both hello and goodbye. I know, confusing, right? I found this out the hard way when the cashier at the 7eleven said “hi” to me after we finished the transaction. Not sure if they were saying “bye” or if they had a serious short term memory deficiency (à la Memento), I simply stood there, paralysed with confusion until the next customer gently nudged me along.

Grammar:

The German I studied during my time in Zurich (for which I paid a pretty penny per lesson) had sixteen ways to say “the”. Sixteen. In comparison, Danish has only two articles: ‘en’ or ‘et’ – there’s no rhyme or reason as to why one over the other, but at least it requires memorisation of only two versus sixteen.

Image courtesy of this site.

Pronunciation:

Pronunciation is nigh on impossible:

D’s are pronounced as L’s – but only sometimes.

G’s are only sometimes pronounced.

Other letters are left out entirely - but only sometimes. For example, the metro stop Amagerbro is pronounced something along the lines of “Amah-broh”.

When speaking Danish it’s important to try and sound like you are ordering fast food through a dodgy drive-thru speaker that keeps cutting out. For example, “metro” is pronounced like you were about to say “maybe”, but the “be” got suddenly cut off and there’s a heavy emphasis on the “may”. Then, out of nowhere spit “tro” like you’re angry. I have also been told another trick is to speak like you have a potato in your mouth.

I also really struggle with “brother”, “bror” in Danish – pronounced kinda like “broah”. Once we go plural, forget about it – I can’t pronounce “brødre” without gagging on the throaty r’s, soft d’s and foreign sounding ø.

Danes like to have a little giggle at making foreigners say their favourite tonguetwister: “rødgrød med fløde” - red porridge with cream (a popular Danish dessert). Master this phrase without choking on your own tongue, and you’re essentially a native speaker.

Here's a video by one of these sadistic Danes forcing this verbal torture upon foreigners:

Video courtesy of this guy.

Numbers:

Forget about it. From 1-10 they’re pretty easy. But once you get into double digits, Danish goes mental. For example, the number 60 is “tres”. So, naturally, when you hear “halvtreds”, what would you assume that would mean? If you used logic and thought "half 60 = 30", you’d be wrong. “Halvtreds” (which is pronounced like “half tres”) is actually 50. “Tredive” (pronounced “tralve”) is 30. Yeah.

Despite these initial difficulties, I have somehow managed to get myself bumped up to the advanced class of level 1 Danish. Don’t ask me how. But as I said earlier, I will continue to work hard and master the different, tongue-twisting (and occasionally tongue-choking) new sounds.

I will also continue to be thankful I do not like red porridge and cream, nor have any brothers.